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Inexperienced
Cats should learn Etiquette - Here are you guidelines.
1. If you have to throw up, get into a chair quickly. If you
cannot manage this in time, get to an Oriental rug. Shag is good.
2. Determine quickly which guest hates cats. Sit on that lap
during the evening. He won't dare push you off and will even call you
"nice kitty". If you can arrange to have cat food on your breath,
so much the better.
3. For sitting on laps or rubbing against trouser legs, select
colors that contrast with your own.
4. Always accompany guests to the bathroom. It is not
necessary to do anything. Just sit and stare.
5. For guests who say, "I love kitties", be ready with
aloof disdain, claws applied to stockings or a quick nip on the ankles.
6. Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get one open,
stand on hind legs and hammer with forepaws. Once the door is opened for
you, it
is not necessary to use it. You can change your mind. When you have
ordered an outside door opened, stand half in and half out and think about
several
things. This is important during very cold weather or mosquito season.
7. If one person is busy and the other is idle, sit with the busy
one. For book readers, get in close under the chin, unless you can lie
across the book itself.
8. For ladies knitting, curl quietly into lap and pretend to
doze. Then reach out and slap knitting needles sharply. This is what she
calls
a dropped stitch. She will try to distract you. Ignore it.
9. For people doing homework, sit on the paper being worked on. After being
removed for the second time, push anything movable off the table - pens,
pencils, stamps - one at a time.
10. Get enough sleep during the daytime so that you are fresh for
playing at night between 2 and 4 am.
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